Every now and then we are given a moment in which we feel completely shut in by everything around us and that we think that there is only one sure way to escape when in reality there are many avenues.

I had such a moment today.

I felt completely boxed in and that the only way I could safely negotiate my way out of the conversation alive and with some hope of becoming a teacher would be to agree with the other person.

The other person was my mentor... who has slowly become the one person I fear dealing with more than anyone else on earth. I would rather have a debate about the right to have nuclear warheads with Kim Jong than deal with my mentor.

It appears that when I get into conversation with her I forget my own welfare and what I want and I end up agreeing with her even when she's saying the most harshest things about me. Clearly there is something wrong with me. It still saddens me that I'm going through all this drama whilst everyone else is just focusing on creating their portfolio and looking and applying for teaching jobs.

She wants me to do another round of teaching because she stuffed up our timetabling in the last round... so therefore didn't see me teach any prac classes. So her comment to me was... "Well I haven't seen you do a prac class since May" I have done prac classes after that but without her in the room. So she has no idea how "competent" I am.

In fact she has told me she won't pass me until I do the extra round.


*goes on a swearing hissy fit rant for about 10 minutes*


I don't need this added stress along with the preparing of a portfolio and all that job application stuff.

At the moment I'm just working very hard at trying to prevent myself from having another bout of depression, because this would be the worst time to have it with everything going on and my future looking so uncertain.

Hopefully my uni delegates will provide me with an avenue that I couldn't see before because I need light at the end of this year.


cheers

L.J

Yeap another post!


.....and only because I feel the need to procrastinate away from all the work that needs to be done in the next month in order to pass successfully.....

So in order to satisfy the requirements of my method areas I need to create and present a unit plan for both VELS and VCE .... sure .. easy stuff... why not?


Only thing is though that I start coming up with all these great ideas... and then those ideas distract me as I try to finetune them and then I remember that I was actually meant to be doing something more important so yes....I am a master procrastinator

It's not something you achieve overnight believe you me I've had to work hard to end up in this state


The good thing now is though I only have one more unit plan to do and it shouldn't take too long to type up .......... riight *rolls eyes to the heavens*


I took this beautiful photo on the way home from work last week and I just love the colours in it. It reminds me that even though something is coming to an end... it doesn't have to end poorly.

The sun may set but it will always rise again.



now I really should get back to doing the "important" things.


cheers

L.J


Bumper Sticker of the day:

"Beat rush hour, leave work at noon"

Yay!



Liz and I are excited!


(though I'm not sure we're excited for the same things... it's always nice to celebrate with others though)



Excited..why? I hear you ask...well because my pre-service rounds are now over!

Wheeeee!!!


My rounds were enjoyable the second time around as I had sorted out all those organisational issues that had plagued and hampered my first block.

The sad thing is though my mentor was never able to get over those first 4 weeks of bumbling mistakes and errors that I made. I tried hard to explain to her that this was my first time doing anything in regards to being involved within the educational world .... but unfortunatley for me she only perceived me as "4th year" so I should know what I'm doing. By the time she understood that I am still learning.... it was too late, the damage was done and I was left with the broken pieces of a relationship built on mis-information and poor communication.

It took a while and a lot of reflection on my part to finally admit that I was scared of her and the potential damage that could be caused with me missing a step within her presence. That damage arrived in the form of an mid and end of year report. My mentor had typed up on her own time which proceeded to shred e to pieces ......... it appears that first impressions evidently do last.

Even though my final 4 weeks were a blast and I had developed fantastic relationships with the students and I wasn't relying on my mentor for anything except for the key to the classroom door, I still could not erase the first 4 weeks....which only begs the question... can one work their guts out and still never be rewarded?

The only thing I found difficult in my placement was the "clickyness" of the PE staff. I think I needed a diamond drill to break into their good graces... and soon as I'm a uni student.. and therefor broke... I couldn't afford that diamond drill. It was hard to work with people who held you at arms length and only communicated through small bursts of generic phrases like.. "sure"... "uh huh... right... no worries"

The weird thing was if I asked for feedback on a class I taught the feedback was constructive and detailed... yet if I asked them how their weekend went ..the response was "fine".
Yet if I walked into the English staffroom where I wasn't "working"with any of the staff they greeted me with friendly conversation and geniunely wished to share thoughts and ideas and more importantly the conversation I was so starved for from the other end of the school.


So do I want to teach? Have I been hooked?

I think I'll vote a YES! for both of them!


My mentor through discussion made the comment that she had seen so many graduates burn out in 6 months and I couldn't help but feel that she meant me in that conversation.

There is a lesson to be learnt here.... never piss L.J off because she can become incredibly stubborn and determined particuarly if you tell her that she can't do something.

so this time next year I'll drop my mentor an email to let her know I'm still going strong and if I wanna burn out it will be after more than 6 months and it will be on my terms not on the terms of others.



Now I have the pleasure of trying to complete all these assignments before their due in...



So there you have it a posting with a little bit of everything... honesty, reflection, ranting and hope.



cheers for now


L.J


Insult of the week:

"Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?"